Have you lost yourself?
If you’re like me, you might manage to regularly lose yourself on a trail somewhere near where you actually meant to be. It all adds to the joy of an adventure, right? That kind of lost has led me to unexpected waterfall dips, unplanned vistas, and bucketloads of laughter.
But here’s the thing. If you’re like me in other ways—particularly those people-pleasing and perfectionistic ones—you might also wake up one day and realize that you feel lost to yourself.
I know this feeling well, having experienced it several times in life. Do you know the one I’m talking about? That subtle feeling of being a bit—or a lot—numb, going through your days on autopilot, missing out on things you want to be doing deep down but just don’t have the time or energy for (perhaps because you’ve said “yes” to that extra bit of work at the office or that energy-sucking relationship AGAIN)?
Maybe you feel disconnected from your values, your true personality, your dreams.
It isn’t hard to feel lost to yourself these days. If this is you, you’ve got plenty of company in a world that tells you to look and act a certain way and bombards you with constant information. A world in which we juggle parenting our kids, parenting our ageing parents, and trying not to miss out at home, work, and play.
There are seasons of life for everyone where our focus is and truly needs to be more external than internal (though maybe that balance of caregiving, supporting, goal-chasing and self-care has been off for a little too long?)
If you’re a perfectionist or people-pleaser, you’ve likely got years of practice in holding yourself to the standards and requests of other people. So please, PLEASE, don’t beat yourself up if you realize that you’re currently feeling lost to yourself.
THE REALIZATION IS POWERFUL
Why? Because it’s an invitation to come home.
To begin taking steps back to yourself (and here I mean who you are NOW, not who you were 3, 5, or 15 years ago).
To check in with what matters the absolute MOST to you, deep down. To notice if—when you’re spending time with others—you feel like you or just the you they think you are in order to “fit in.” To check in with your day to day habits and choices and notice how they may be helping you or holding you back from living life with the fullness, ease, energy, and sense of confidence and belonging you want.
Don’t know where to start?
YOU ALREADY HAVE.
Well done you for noticing that you want to come home to yourself. That’s the first step. Here are a few questions—helpful whether you identify with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or simply being human—to guide you in your journey:
What matters most in my life right now?
What parts of me do I feel like I’ve set aside that I want to reconnect with?
How might I start to reconnect with those parts of me? (hint: keep it simple!)
What is one habit that’s not serving me right now (because it’s taking me farther away from who I truly am/want to be)?
How might I commit to changing that habit?
The journey home to yourself is truly a marvelous one and is rarely linear. Obstacles arise. Life happens. But it is OH SO WORTH IT. Do your best to be kind to yourself along the way, to create space where you can just hang out with you, and to enlist the support of several trusted humans (you know, the ones that are truly 100% in your corner no matter what). I bet you’re gonna love the person you come home to.